It’s never simple to blend families, particularly when kids have trouble adjusting. A mother, 34, talks about how she needs to manage conflict between her 12-year-old daughter, Ava, and her new husband, Jason, 39, who has two kids, Emily, 10, and Lily, 8.

Jason and his girls have been treated rudely by Ava, who has refused to interact with them and even told them they don’t belong. When Ava saw Emily using her art supplies (with permission), she became enraged, swore, and destroyed Emily’s project.

Ava’s actions continued in spite of numerous conversations and reprimands. Ava accused her mother of siding with the stepfamily and rushing to her dad’s house without telling her when she was told she couldn’t participate in Christmas festivities. As a result, Ava’s father prompted her uncle to make a threatening call.

Although Jason agrees with the mother’s tough-love approach, her family chastises her for distancing Ava. The mother now wonders whether her choice was too severe or required for peace, caught between establishing limits and showing unconditional love.