I want my 19-year-old stepdaughter to babysit—my house is not a free hotel.

Creating peace in blended families can be hard, especially when unexpected problems come up. Becky, a mother of a two-year-old, asked her 19-year-old stepdaughter to help with babysitting while she worked, but her stepdaughter refused. Frustrated, Becky told her stepdaughter to start paying rent to contribute to the household. This led to an unexpected argument, leaving Becky feeling upset and unsure of what to do. She reached out for advice, hoping to find a way through this difficult situation.

Here is Becky’s letter:

I’m reaching out because I’m struggling with a situation in my blended family and don’t know how to handle it. I’m a mother to a two-year-old, and I also have a 19-year-old stepdaughter who lives with us. Recently, I asked my stepdaughter if she could help babysit her little brother a few days a week while I work, but she flat-out refused. I understand she has her own life and commitments, but her response surprised and frustrated me.

In the heat of the moment, I told her that if she wasn’t willing to pitch in by babysitting, she should start contributing to the household by paying rent. This, unfortunately, led to an argument that left us both feeling upset and distant. I thought it would be fair for her to help out or contribute financially, but now I’m questioning if I went about it the right way. I want to create a peaceful home, but it feels like our relationship is becoming strained, and I don’t want to push her away.

I’d really appreciate any advice on how to navigate this situation. How can I find a balance between expecting her to help and respecting her independence as a young adult? I just want us to feel like a family again.

Thank you,
Becky