Rectal Thermometer

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife.

Tearfully she explained, “It’s the pharmacist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone. I had to call multiple times before he would even answer the phone.”

Immediately, the husband drove down town to confront the pharmacist and demand an apology.

Before he could say more than a word or two, the pharmacist told him, “Just a minute, listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I’d locked the house with both house and car keys inside and had to break a window to get my keys.”

“Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, when I was about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire.”

“When I finally got to the store a bunch of people were waiting for me to open. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, all the time the darn phone was ringing.”

He continued, “Then I had to break a roll of coins against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I had to get down on my hands and knees to pick up the coins and the phone was still ringing. When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it. Half of them hit the floor and broke.”

“Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer.”

“Believe me mister, as God is my witness, all I did was tell her.”

Related Posts

I worked 80-hour weeks in a freezing apartment to buy my parents their dream farmhouse in cash. Returning unannounced 6 years later, I caught my frail father was sweeping the driveway and my mom was washing clothes under the brutal sun like indentured servants. On the porch, my sister-in-law and her mother sipped iced tea and sneered: “Watch it, old man! You’re getting dirt on my designer shoes.” They were living like queens on the money I sent for my parents’ medicine. My blood turned cold. Three minutes later, they begged me for putting an end to their pain…

Chapter 1: The Bed Felt Too Small Every night, Emily slept alone. That was the routine. That was the rule. And for years, it worked. Her room…

I returned from a business trip to find my wife and newborn fighting for their lives while my mother called her “lazy,” “If taking care of a baby is so difficult for you, maybe you never should have become a mother.” — But a hospital doctor noticed bruises on her wrists and demanded the police be called.

Chapter 1: The Door I Shouldn’t Have Left I returned from a business trip to find my wife and newborn fighting for their lives while my mother…

The CEO’s son-in-law quietly fired me at 9:14 a.m. after 19 years, threw my grandfather’s silver pen in the trash, and smirked. I didn’t cry. I didnt argue. I walked out with my cardboard box and smiled. But when he knew my maiden name, his face turned ghost-white.

Chapter 1: Fired at 9:14 I was quietly fired at 9:14 a.m. by the CEO’s son-in-law. No meeting invite. No warning. No thank-you for nineteen years of…

The mansion fell silent the moment the little boy appeared.

Chapter 1: The Child in the Black Suit The mansion fell silent the moment the little boy appeared. Only three years old, dressed in a tiny black…

The woman’s breath shattered into panic.

Chapter 1: The Emerald That Should Not Exist The bedroom glowed in warm golden light, the kind that made everything look flawless, almost unreal. Crystal reflections shimmered…

An eight-year-old girl sleeps alone, but every morning she complains that her bed feels “too small.” When her mother checks the security camera at 2 a.m., she breaks down in silent tears…

Chapter 1: The Bed Felt Too Small Every night, Emily slept alone. That was the routine. That was the rule. And for years, it worked. Her room…