Barack Obama offered a refreshingly honest glimpse into his marriage with Michelle Obama during a recent appearance at Hamilton College in New York. The former president, now 63, touched on a range of topics—from national policy to global trade—but what truly resonated with the audience was his candid reflection on the relationship that has captivated the public for decades.
“I was in a deep deficit with my wife,”
Obama confessed during a conversation with College President Steven Tepper.
“So I have been trying to dig myself out of that hole by doing occasionally fun things.”
It was a rare admission, underscoring what many have long suspected: that eight years in the White House, coupled with decades of public service, came with personal costs—especially for a marriage that has often been seen as aspirational.
Barack and Michelle Obama have been married since 1992, and while they’ve frequently spoken about their bond, they’ve also been refreshingly open about its challenges. Michelle, in particular, has never shied away from discussing the strain that politics and public life placed on their relationship.
On her podcast, Michelle once poked fun at one of her husband’s quirks that used to drive her up the wall—his approach to time, or rather, his lack of urgency.
“Barack, you know, he had to adjust to what ‘on time’ was for me,”
she shared, referencing his more laid-back Hawaiian roots.
“Because he was on that island time.”
She explained that he would often only begin getting ready at the exact time they were meant to leave.
“I’ve got this husband who’s like, when it’s time to leave—it’s 3—he’s getting up and going to the bathroom,”
she said, laughing.
“And I was like, dude, a 3 o’clock departure means you’ve done all that… Don’t start looking for your glasses at 3!”
Over time, however, Barack seems to have adapted. Michelle has noted that he’s improved his timekeeping habits over the years—a good thing, considering their daughters, Malia and Sasha, now seem to have inherited their mother’s sense of punctuality. Michelle joked that her girls instinctively arrive early whenever they’re planning to meet up with her.
Still, it’s worth remembering that this relaxed attitude followed Obama into the Oval Office. According to a 2014 report by The Washington Post, he accumulated over 35 hours of delays across scheduled public appearances—proof that old habits die hard, even at the highest levels of leadership.
As for now, the former president is reportedly working on the second volume of his presidential memoirs, following the release of A Promised Land. But it’s clear his priorities aren’t just literary or political. At home, he seems focused on something more intimate: rebuilding balance in his personal life and keeping things right with Michelle.
Whether it’s through thoughtful gestures or shared laughter about old frustrations, Barack Obama appears committed to staying out of the “deficit” he so earnestly acknowledged—a reminder that even the most admired partnerships require ongoing effort, humility, and a sense of humor.
