Studies and surveys can offer some insight into what might be considered “average,” but when it comes to sex, there is no universal standard. Preferences vary widely, and partners don’t always share the same needs or expectations. Ultimately, what matters most is what feels right for the individuals involved.

One commonly cited metric in research is the time from penetration to ejaculation, known as intra-ejaculatory latency time. Several studies using this measurement suggest that penetrative sex lasts about five minutes on average. This figure often surprises people, especially since many imagine that sex typically goes on much longer.

Interestingly, men tend to estimate their own sexual encounters as lasting longer than they actually do, often placing the average closer to nine minutes. Other research has found that when people are asked how long sex should last, the “ideal” duration they describe is around 16 minutes. Taken together, these findings highlight a clear gap between perception, expectation, and reality when it comes to sexual duration.

This naturally raises the question of what women actually want. In 2019, GQ writer Sophia Benoit explored the topic by informally surveying women and collecting their responses. Her findings suggested that most women preferred sex to last somewhere between five and ten minutes, particularly when it was paired with sufficient foreplay beforehand. She also emphasized that many scientific studies focus exclusively on penetration, which does not reflect the full sexual experience for many women.

Benoit noted that many of the women she spoke with believed their own experiences were shorter than average. In reality, most of their answers were very close to—or even longer than—the commonly cited average of about 5.4 minutes. This disconnect reinforces the idea that people often underestimate what is typical and overestimate what others are experiencing.

Additional perspectives have echoed these findings. During an episode of Steven Bartlett’s Diary of a CEO podcast, psychiatrist Dr. Alok Kanojia discussed sexual duration alongside sexual health expert Dr. Rena Malik and adult film director Erika Lust. Dr. Kanojia explained that the average length of sexual intercourse generally falls between three and seven minutes. He also noted that about half of the women he had spoken with did not want sex to last longer than 15 minutes.

Dr. Malik added another important layer to the discussion by pointing out that men and women often require different amounts of time to reach orgasm. On average, men may need around five to six minutes to ejaculate, while women can take significantly longer—sometimes up to 14 minutes. This difference helps explain why focusing solely on penetration may not align with mutual satisfaction.

Taken as a whole, these insights suggest that there is no single “ideal” length of sex. What feels fulfilling depends on personal preference, communication, and compatibility between partners. Duration alone does not determine satisfaction, and longer is not necessarily better.

The most important takeaway is that sexual experiences should be guided by comfort, openness, and enjoyment rather than by comparison to averages or assumptions. Understanding your own preferences and communicating them honestly with a partner matters far more than meeting any perceived benchmark.

If you found this perspective interesting, feel free to share your thoughts in the comments.