I made a vow not to cry today.
Nothing noteworthy happened; it was just a stroll down to the boardwalk. My daughter insisted on wearing her Minnie Mouse shirt “because Daddy liked it,” and the weather was warm with low but unthreatening clouds. That almost brought me to my knees.
She is just two years old. She still occasionally queries his whereabouts. To buy myself a few minutes of peace before she starts talking about snacks or seagulls, I usually tell her that he’s watching from the stars.
Today, however, was different.
When I saw my neighbor Sandy outside, she seemed quieter than normal, even though she was always so vivacious and full of energy. She was waiting for something, or someone, as she sat on her porch and gazed out to the horizon. She waved enthusiastically as soon as she saw me passing by, her typical smile beaming. But I paused because of something in her eyes.
She exclaimed, a bit too brightly, “Hey, there.” I see you’re taking a stroll with your little sunshine. How are things going?
I took a moment to think before responding. “We’re all right. Just gone for a while. The usual, you know. Today’s weather is pleasant.
Sandy’s smile wavered momentarily. She fiddled with the hem of her dress while gazing down at the floor. “I understand your point. Recently, things have been difficult here,” she remarked quietly. “But, you know, life goes on, don’t you?”
Something about her tone made my stomach turn, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. She seemed to be trying to communicate with me, but her words weren’t coming out clearly. My daughter’s eyes were wide with excitement as she pulled at my sleeve before I could speak.
“Look, Mom! A bird!
I chuckled quietly and looked up at Sandy once more in the hopes that she would change the topic or at the very least let me know that everything was alright. Instead, Sandy got to her feet, her eyes now looking directly into mine with a level of intensity I had never seen before.
She began, her voice trembling slightly, “I don’t mean to make this awkward, but I have something to tell you. Something that took place last night.
Uncertain of where this was going, I blinked. “Sandy, what happened?”
She was obviously struggling with something inside as she bit her lip. She then blurted out, “I saw your husband last night,” as if the floodgates had opened. He was at my house. Marie, he was—he was in my home.
My entire body went rigid. I was briefly unable to breathe due to my heart thumping in my chest. It had been almost a year since I last heard from Michael—not even a text. He abruptly and unexplainably left, and I made numerous attempts to contact him but he never got back to me. It was therefore like receiving a kick to the gut when Sandy mentioned that he was in her home and in her personal space.
I tried to regain my composure and whispered, “Sandy.” “What are you discussing? He—he abandoned us. He didn’t even bid farewell. Why would he come to you, anyway?
With her hands clasped in front of her and her voice low but urgent, Sandy took a step closer. “I wasn’t sure how to explain this to you. I had no desire to. However, I believe you should be informed of the truth.
A chilly shiver went through me. I wanted to yell at her to stop, to retract everything. Instead, I waited for the rest of the story to come to light while standing motionless.
“Marie,” she said in a shaky voice, “he came to me last night.” “And he… he expressed regret for everything.” for hurting you and abandoning you. He apologized to me and admitted that he had erred. However, he didn’t want you to be aware of his continued presence. He claimed that because he wasn’t prepared to face you, he couldn’t return.
I experienced a wave of feelings, including bewilderment, rage, hurt, and incredulity. My brain was unable to put everything together. Michael would visit her, but why? He would go to me, but why? Why would he appear at Sandy’s house out of the blue after everything he had to endure and his silent disappearance?
“I don’t understand,” I muttered, my voice hardly audible above a whisper. “Why Sandy? Why would he treat me that way? To our daughter?
Sandy moved forward and touched my arm tenderly. “I apologize, Marie. It was not my intention to inform you. However, I believe you should hear this.
“Tell me what?” I raised my voice and demanded. “Is there anything else?”
Sandy was silent for a second, then spoke again. “Marie, he’s not coming back. He won’t, in my opinion. He is currently staying with someone else. Additionally, I believe he is attempting to move on.
Her words stung me like a slap across the face, and I blinked. As the weight of everything sunk in, my legs began to wobble. Was my husband, Michael, who is also the father of my child, seeing someone else? He was gone after all the years we had spent together, all the promises, and all the hopes for the future. And he had no intention of returning.
I was at a loss for words. I had a part that wanted to cry and burst into tears. However, there was a stronger part of me that was angry. He was upset that he thought he could simply leave everything and start over, and that he had the gall to show up. I was enraged.
However, in that rage, I came to a crucial realization. Michael was no longer the focus of this. I was the subject of this. It must have been. Because I had been spending too much time, energy, and thought on him. For what purpose? To simply walk away and turn his back on us?
I was thinking more clearly than I had in a long time as I glanced at Sandy. With a steady but trembling voice, I said, “Thank you for telling me this.” “I’m glad you told me, but I don’t know why he came to you. Indeed, I am.
Sandy’s expression softened. “I apologize, Marie. Yes, I am. However, you are more deserving than he is. You deserve someone who will love you and your daughter and who will support you.
And there it was—the karmic twist I hadn’t anticipated, the truth. Sandy had, in a sense, been more helpful to me than I had thought. She had not only revealed Michael’s treachery, but she had also rescued me from the hope I had been clinging to. I felt as though a burden had been removed. I didn’t have to wait for an explanation. I didn’t require his return.
I had to let go.
It was quieter than usual on the way home. My daughter talked endlessly about the birds and the clouds, blissfully oblivious to the mayhem going on all around us. I listened, but in a sense, I was a woman reestablishing herself, not just her mother. A woman who understood that I was complete without another person. I had always been sufficient.
I waved as we went by Sandy’s house once more. I didn’t have anything more to say. I didn’t realize I needed the closure she had provided. I was prepared to write the next chapter of my life, and it was waiting for me.
When dealing with someone’s betrayal, keep in mind that sometimes letting go is the most difficult thing to do. You’ll discover, however, that you’re stronger than you ever imagined. Letting go of things that no longer serve you is the first step towards living the kind of life you deserve—one that is full of love, joy, and peace.
If you know someone who needs to be reminded that they are enough just the way they are, share this story with them.