A beautiful woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub.
She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately.
The woman seductively signalled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard.
“Are you the manager?” she asked, softly stroking his face with both hands.
“Actually, no,” he replied.
“Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him,” she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
“I’m afraid I can’t,” breathed the bartender. “Is there anything I can do?”
“Yes. I need for you to give him a message,” she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender’s lip and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
“What should I tell him?” the flustered bartender managed to stammer.
“Tell him,” she whispered, “There’s no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room.”
Keep the Music Going
While I was away on a work trip, my Mother-in-law changed our house into two parts. She asked me to pay $100k for the changes. I said, ‘Huh? But I’m not married.’ She replied, ‘Huh?’ The surprising truth came out, and her face went pale.
On my birthday, my father walked in, looked at my b:ruised face, and asked, “Sweetheart… who did this to you?” Before I could speak, my husband smirked and said, “I did. Gave her a sl:ap instead of congratulations.”
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The grandson pushed his grandmother into the lake, knowing full well that she couldn’t swim and was afraid of water, just for fun: relatives stood nearby and laughed, but none of them could even imagine what this woman would do as soon as she got out of the water.
After my father-in-law’s funeral, my jobless husband inherited $450 million and immediately demanded a divorce, telling me, “You’re useless to me now.” I just smiled and said, “Don’t regret this later… lol.” But after the divorce, his father’s lawyer laughed in his face and asked, “Did you actually read the will carefully?” That was the moment my ex-husband turned pale.